I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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