I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
