Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
