don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the day after is always just damage control
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I smell like Dick and happiness
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
