you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
