At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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