your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
