We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
