Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
