The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Shame - the story of my life.
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