Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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