my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He felt like a one man threesome
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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