There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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