apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
