I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
