the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
