Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
