Non-Jews are for practice
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
