Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Randomize
