Sry I called you an 8
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
