I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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