tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
