I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
