Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
