well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
