Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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