you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
