Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
please don't ironically join a cult
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