I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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