We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
