he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
