soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
