I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Text me some of your sweat
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
