Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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