I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
