I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
