I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
