And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
