I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
