yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
