Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
