3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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