Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Umm I'm too high to move.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
