**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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