I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
