I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
