But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
