You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My vagina is very pro this idea
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
