it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
