My friends, they love my intelligence
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
and she was petting her beer can
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
