well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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